Wherein I Dorkily Attempt To Join A Subculture I Oughtn't

So, because sometimes I get into subculture blogs and read them compulsively, I've lately been browsing the archives of Body Modification blogs (often NSFW). Now, the whole "suspension" thing seems painful and humiliating and potentially permanently damaging, and scarification sounds needlessly crass, and why the HELL would you put metal in your vagina, but tattoos, unfortunately, can be pretty. Thus, I present to you, a list of tattoos I would get if I were so inclined:

*A strand of DNA (as pictured, but prettier) with the words Arthur, Elaine, Charles, Evelyn, Peter, Robin, and Elisa written on various nucleotides, because they're my closest genetic relatives. I guess I'd leave room for any future biokids, too. This would go across my lower back.


*A potrait of my teddy bear, Oggie(1), in my underarm, because that's where he sleeps.


*the Cheerios Logo, I don't know where.


*The electromagnetic visible spectrum, as it is both a rainbow for gayness and pretty for fun! Maybe somewhere on my back.


*The Hebrew word Yehudi (יהודי), because it is the etmylogic root of the word "Jewish" but, in many biblical texts, carries more of a sense of ethnic identity than of religious, which is what I am: an ethnic Jew. On my arm like a holocaust survivor? Or would that be crass? If so, then maybe on my wrist, so I could hide it under a watch.

*My surname (Shapiro), maybe in a foreign alphabet (Hebrew and Japanese are pretty), on the back of my neck.

*The (regular) alphabet, as an armband tattoo.

*Some sort of Significant Quote on my upper back. (I tried to think of one, but I all I came up with was "Very like a whale" from Hamlet, and why permanently mark myself as fat?)

So, what did this exercise prove? Nothing, except 1) I'm a nerd and 2) I probably shouldn't get a tattoo.

(1) Jesus H. Christ, my sister literally took 100 pictures of herself with my iSight camera in the like 3 days I was home for turkey. Also 15 of the cat. Do you have any idea how tedious it is to delete 100 photos of my sister making a "thug" sign with her hands? (I saved a few good ones.) Someone (mom and dad) better get her a digicam soon.
Oh, and that so wasn't the point of the footnote. The POINT was to say: No, my teddy bear does not wear a yarmulke. It used to be a Yankees cap, but the brim came off and only half the N of the logo is left. He also used to wear the pinstriped shirt. His name is Oggie like Yogi Berra, as pronounced by an infant.

In related news: I <3 my family, and wish I wasn't allergic to my apartment (and Frankie's!) so I could actually look forward to going back home.